


And suddenly all love songs were about you

by someone_worth_racing_for



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Carlos is head over heels in love with him but Lando really don't get it, First Time, Friends With Benefits, I really don't know where to start here, Lando hurts Carlos' feelings without even notice it, Lando is way too much Lando in this one, Lando only realizes his feelings for Carlos when it's already too late, Lando really takes advantage of Carlos sometimes, M/M, Maybe they still have a chance?, Sad Carlos, Unrequited Love, alright - okay let me try.., and it took me ages to finally finish it.., and still clueless Lando, or maybe not?, then there comes Charles and helps Carlos to be happy again, this OS has turned out waaaay too long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:01:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28192884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someone_worth_racing_for/pseuds/someone_worth_racing_for
Summary: “When you are not feeling the same for him, why are you like this to him then? Why do you do this to him? Either you tell him he does also mean a lot to you, that you really mean it serious with him and finally treat him like he really deserves or you better leave him alone, because you can’t let him hang in the air like that forever. Even when I know you enjoy that feeling.”Or the one in which Carlos is head over heels in love with Lando and he really doesn't get it. But when Lando finally realizes his real feelings for the Spaniard, it's actually already too late. Or maybe not?
Relationships: Carlos Sainz Jr/Charles Leclerc, Lando Norris/Carlos Sainz Jr
Comments: 6
Kudos: 54





	And suddenly all love songs were about you

**Author's Note:**

> I won't say much - only that you are probably not prepared for this.. 😉

Carlos still couldn’t believe it how lucky he was, actually he was probably the happiest man on the whole wide world at the moment and he also still couldn’t realize what had happened last night.

One of the McLaren’s sponsors had made a party to which Lando and Carlos had to appear. Going to such parties really wasn’t that bad, when his favourite teammate, who also happened to be his best friend, was coming with him along there.

Like they had done already so often, the young Brit came over to Carlos’ place in the late afternoon, where they made themselves together ready for the party. Even if he wanted and actually he had really tried to, the Spaniard still couldn’t take his eyes away from his handsome teammate the whole time long.

Lando looked so good in that black suit and the cute bow around his well-trained neck. Carlos also told him so and his own belly began to tingle when his friend’s cheeks blushed lightly, when Lando smiled and also even gave the compliment back to him.

Since already a longer time Carlos had a thing for his teammate, but until that night he had been too shy and scared to tell him so, even when they had always been pretty close.

Lando was gay, he had never made a secret out of it. Carlos already knew so since the very beginning and he also knew he was experienced, after all those stories he had already told him, but still he didn’t bring it over his lips to tell his friend those feelings he did carry around with himself for already so long.

With a taxi they got to the party, they did their business duties like they had got told to, before they began to finally enjoy the evening. With every more beer and alcoholic drink they had already drank, they became more and more flirty.

Of course, Carlos hadn’t missed Lando’s eyes checking him out, being fixed on his thick lips way longer than necessary and also how touchy he had become, while he was already lightly drunk. His teammate did turn him on so bad, because Carlos did really adore it, when he was that touchy and clingy, being addicted to his whole attention and affection the whole evening long.

Goose bumps broke free over the Spaniard’s skin, when his friend finally whispered into his ear that he wanted to go home now. And with home he meant Carlos’ place. The evening was still young and the party was actually really great, but the older one would do literally everything to make Lando happy and the thought about spending some time alone with him and in the privacy of his own flat, let his already excited heart jump inside his chest.

It also wasn’t the first time the young Brit slept over at his place, after they had been out and it also wouldn’t be the first time for Lando to sleep together with his teammate in one bed tonight, but something still told the older one that one little, but very important thing will be different tonight.

His heart was racing inside his chest, when Lando took his hand and leaded him outside. While they were waiting for their Taxi to arrive, Carlos thought he was close to a heart attack, when Lando suddenly stepped closer, so that he could feel his breath against his own skin and he finally got onto his tiptoes to reach with his perfect shaped lips his own surprised ones.

The Spaniard also finally melted into the kiss and pulled the smaller one even closer against his body, when his brain realized what was going on. It was all Carlos had ever wanted. Lando in his arms, claiming him as his, while kissing his lips all soft and warm.

It was the younger one, who deepened the kiss, when he slowly pushed his tongue past his already red and swollen lips, taking himself a sweet taste of his teammate. It was Carlos’ first time kissing another man. He only had relationships with women so far, why he was still pretty excited, nervous, also lightly tensed and his whole body was shaking uncontrollable.

But Lando knew what he did and probably for the first time it was him being the more experienced one, who set the pace and tone. And if Carlos was serious, he liked it to be the inexperienced, shy and clueless one for once, he enjoyed to just let go and give Lando the whole commando and control.

They only separated their lips from each other, when the taxi arrived and first the Spaniard didn’t know if he should be happy or sad about the interruption. Sad about that Lando wasn’t kissing him any more, but also excited about what will happen when they will finally arrive at his place.

But also the taxi ride was pretty nice, when Lando climbed onto his lap, kissed his lips numb and rubbed his already pretty interested middle against his teammate’s. Lando seemed like he also couldn’t wait any more to finally be alone, when he literally jumped out of the taxi and ran inside the house.

Carlos had to smile about his friend’s excitement and after he had paid the driver, he followed him inside as well. Already from his wardrobe, he could hear the young Brit running through his flat like a kid on sugar shock. Half naked, Lando was already rushing into his bedroom, because he obviously couldn’t wait even one more second for it to finally get serious.

Carlos was only able to see a little hint of his small body, his smooth skin, disappearing inside his bedroom, but still it caused him to smirk over both of his ears about his anticipation and cuteness. But at the same time the older one would lie, if he would say he wasn’t nervous and also still insecure about what will happen now.

Even when he already had sex in his life before, it was still his first time with another man and it wasn’t just _another man_ , it was Lando. His precious, sweet, lovely, little Lando. Hopefully he will make everything right and he won’t disappoint him.

“Here you are finally. I have already waited for you for sooo long.” The young Brit exaggerated excessively, before he sprang into his friend’s arms and wrapped him into another messy kiss. At the same time he tried to get the Spaniard out of his suit all impatiently.

Somehow he had managed it to undress him from his jacket and he had also already opened half of the buttons of his shirt, when Carlos stopped him with letting him back onto the floor and taking his fumbling hands into his own. The older one’s hands were shaking lightly and even when he found Lando’s excitement and eagerness very cute and he was probably as turned on as he was, Carlos was still very nervous, when not even scared about what they will do when they will finally reach his bed.

“Lando. Hold on for one second. I.. it’s just.. you know..” The Spaniard stammered unsure, hating himself for being so damn shaking and afraid, even with the amount of alcohol in his veins. He had to take a deep breath, he also closed his eyes while doing so to calm his nerves, before he opened them again, looked right into Lando’s still so excited shining once and he finally told him with a small, shy voice “It’s my first time with another man and if I’m serious, I have no clue about what to do. I just know only one thing. I don’t ever want to hurt you in any way.”

A big grin did spread out over Lando’s face, which calmed the older one at least a little, because he hadn’t shrugged his friend away with his unknowing. “Don’t worry, I will show you how it’s been done. Just lean back and enjoy.” The younger one winked up at him, while he opened the last buttons of his shirt and let the material finally slide down his broad shoulders.

He also made quick work with his belt, something Carlos probably wouldn’t have been able to do anyway any more with his shaking hands, before he was also only standing with just his boxers on in front of his teammate. But also Lando quickly got rid of their last layers of clothes and while Carlos was still fascinated about seeing him for the first time naked, the young Brit already took his hand and finally leaded them over to his king-sized bed.

Lando kept his word. Carlos only had to lay there on top of his mattress, still all clueless and from his nervousness frozen and useless, while the younger one did the whole work. He had prepared himself with his fingers with the lube he had asked Carlos for before, while they were making out and when he positioned himself over his teammate’s hardness, he was already all ready to take him.

While Lando was riding Carlos and he did his own way with him, the Spaniard could still only look up at him with widened eyes and an in shock opened mouth. All those feelings were rushing through his body all at once for the first time then and it was definitely the best sexual experience he ever had. Nothing was compared to have Lando on top of him, getting himself satisfied with Carlos’ dick while moaning and crying out his name.

While Carlos gently held onto his friend’s waist, supporting him so as good as he could because to more he was still not able to, he was surprised the younger one still hadn’t got tired of riding him like that since a half, sweet eternity. By now the Spaniard already really had trouble to keep it together, because he didn’t want to come already yet, not before Lando wasn’t satisfied. If he had been allowed to, he would have come with every second deep inside his friend, but the last thing he wanted was to disappoint Lando, so he tried everything to hold it back.

But when he felt Lando’s hot cum pearls on his own belly and watched how the creamy liquid got pumped out of his dick, while he was still sitting down all harshly onto his own erection and moved circles while doing so, it was the last thing the Spaniard had needed to fall over the edge as well.

It was like he had always dreamed about. No. Actually it was even better, if that was even possible. Lando finally collapsed on top of his chest, sticking them together so with his own sperm and sweat, while the last waves of his orgasm were still running through the Spaniard’s body and caused him so to flinch.

They needed some time to calm down from their highs, but pretty quickly Carlos noticed that his younger friend still wasn’t satisfied for tonight. He still needed more and since the first tension and worries had already left the older one’s body, he was now willing to give Lando everything he needed.

Carlos took his time, stroked Lando completely hard again, before he sucked him deep inside his throat. He still didn’t know if he was doing everything right, he just followed the younger one’s whimpers and needy screams. This time he didn’t need to get prepared any more, when Carlos positioned himself over him and finally entered Lando the whole way.

He was kissing him constantly, mouthed his neck lovingly, telling him how beautiful he was and how good he was feeling. Carlos did everything to please the younger one and when he could feel Lando’s fingernails pressing into his shoulders he knew he had done at least something right and tried to repeat that move to hit his prostate every time.

Like before the Spaniard waited for his friend to come first, he let him ride out his orgasm the whole way, when he finally gave in and came himself with his name on his lips. Even after, Carlos took his time with Lando, made sure he was feeling alright and he would even go for round three if he still wouldn’t be satisfied, somehow he would have made it, for him.

But soon after he had cleaned him with some tissues, Lando was already snoring softly next to him and so also Carlos closed his eyes drunken in love for the night, while he wrapped his arm around the younger one and pulled him closer against his chest.

He had probably smiled through the whole night, because when he woke up next morning the corner of his mouth did hurt, but in a good kind of way. He was watching Lando sleep for the next hour, stroked through his messy curls and caressed his from sleep reddened cheeks. But Carlos wanted to surprise his friend with some decent breakfast, because he will definitely need it after their night activities, when he will finally wake up.

So he slipped unheard out of bed, dressed himself and went over into his kitchen to prepare the breakfast his little one did deserve. While doing so, Carlos hummed all happily the next best song that came into his mind and thought about all the nice things they could do today on their free Sunday. Maybe they could go for a walk later, cook something together, have a nap in the afternoon, play FIFA or just lay all lazily in front of the TV and cuddle the whole day long.

Only then Carlos had noticed that during his whole nervousness and excitement from last night, he had totally forgotten about to tell Lando those strong feelings he had for him. He also planned to tell the younger one so later, probably after their breakfast.

Tell him how much he loved him, how much he cared about him and that he was always too cowardly to tell him so all the time.

But that was over now. They were together now. Carlos was the happiest man, while he fried some bacon and hummed all overjoyed to himself, while doing so. He couldn’t wait for Lando to finally wake up, kiss his lips again and tell him how beautiful he was and that he still couldn’t believe it to call him his from now on.

The Spaniard’s heart was racing even faster, when he heard the bedroom door getting opened and light footsteps coming his way. A very sleepy Lando was standing in the doorway, still rubbing his tired eyes. He had already made it to get himself into some sweatpants and a hoodie, he had brought to his place the other day.

“Buenos dias, carino.“ Carlos greeted him with a wide smile, before he rushed over to him to place a soft kiss onto his still from sleep warm cheek. Taken by surprise, but also somehow grumpy the younger one looked up at him, while Carlos asked well-meant “Have you slept well? I have already prepared some breakfast for you. I just have to warm up your cacao any more.”

Confused about his enthusiasm in this early hour, Lando looked up at the Spaniard. His teammate had already made breakfast for him before, so why did he make such a big deal out of it now, he asked himself, while he stretched himself long and said by the way “I think I can’t take anything at the moment.”

“Oh. Okay.” Carlos did response lightly disappointed, but his great mood was back again, when he added once more all well-meant “But you should at least drink something, carino.” The older one already hurried over to get his friend something to drink, but Lando’s next words caused him to stop his tracks completely.

“Nah, I will drink something at home. I will better go now.” Shocked Carlos turned around to look at his teammate, not knowing if he was just joking or not. Still with an in confusion opened mouth he was eyeing him desperately, until Lando began to frown and tilted his head about his reaction.

“You won’t make a big deal out of last night, right? I mean, we just had some fun. Like friends have from time to time.” Not only his words, but also the tone of his voice did hurt Carlos like a sharp knife. He flinched together and suddenly he felt that tight knot inside his throat, which made it first impossible for him to answer.

Only after he had swallowed down that knot and forced himself to smile, even when it did hurt so badly, he nodded understanding his head and tried to secure his friend with “Sure. We just had.. some fun.”

“Great, then eh.. thank you for everything, Chili. See you soon.” And with that Lando disappeared from his field of view and only because it was a force of habit the older one whispered in response “Good-bye, little one.” But Lando had already shut the front door closed behind him and left his teammate back alone.

Tears began to wave in Carlos eyes, because he was feeling so stupid, ashamed and also embarrassed. The shock was still sitting deep inside his bones, when he looked at the so nicely prepared breakfast on the table next to him, but if he was serious, he also wasn’t hungry at all any more.

He quickly turned off the hot plate, before he dragged himself back to bed, to hide himself all ashamed under his duvets. Everything inside his bed did smell after Lando, especially his pillow which he hugged with both arms and legs now, while he quietly cried to himself.

How had he been so stupid to think that they were in a relationship now? That Lando also felt the same way for him than he did? It was nice that Lando obviously found his teammate attractive enough to end in bed with him, but Carlos had wanted more and the whole time long he had thought there was indeed more between them than just sex.

But not for his friend. Lando had only wanted some fun last night. Nothing more, nothing less. And Carlos had been stupid and naïve enough to fall for him. There had never been more between the two of them than friendship, like it should actually be. But latest after last night, the Spaniard was head over heels in love with Lando and he couldn’t change that any more.

He quietly cried to himself, thinking about that he had to live with that broken heart inside his chest from now on. Carlos had to always carry it with him and just that thought caused even thicker tears rolling down his cheeks. Finally, he had somehow made it to fall back to sleep that morning with the knowledge that Lando won’t ever be his and return his deep feelings.

While it was pretty awkward for the Spaniard the next time he saw his teammate again, Lando acted like always. Like they hadn’t shared the most intimidate closeness with each other, like nothing had happened between the two of them, like Carlos hadn’t presented him his heart.

Carlos first needed to get used to that Lando acted like usual. It did sound crazy, but he really had to. He also tried to act like nothing had happened, to not embarrass the younger one or himself even more. He didn’t want Lando to feel uncomfortable, because it really wasn’t his fault, that he was feeling this way. And he also didn’t want to notice his teammate that he actually meant way more to him than just a very good friend.

It was already bad enough that Carlos himself felt this way and the whole mess he had brought himself into really wasn’t Lando’s fault at all, so he better shouldn’t notice anything. It hadn’t been his intention to break his heart, it was Carlos all on his own. Even when the Spaniard was actually relieved about that Lando acted like always, it did also hurt at the same time, but it was better this way.

And it did hurt even more, when a few weeks later Lando told his teammate about last Friday’s night and about the guy he had got to know and had spent the night with. Carlos began to feel sick instantly, while just thinking about it, but he still tried to keep it together, even tried to act interested about his friend’s story, while he was slowly dying inside.

He even forced himself to smile, while Lando told him the story in every detail he actually didn’t want to hear at all. The Spaniard swallowed down his tears, till there was a quiet moment and he finally shared some tears all hidden inside his driver room. He really hated it to feel this way, but at the same time he also couldn’t help or stop himself.

Carlos still loved Lando with his whole heart, no matter how many stories he will tell him about his one-night-stands, no matter how many pictures of other men he will show him on his phone and raved about them. The Spaniard also was the good friend he always tried to be, when Lando was once sitting all desperately in his flat, telling him the story about some YouTuber he had got to know a few weeks ago and he would really like to date, because he liked him.

Giving the love of his life tips about how he could win that man’s heart, was probably the hardest thing Carlos ever did. No race he had ever done could be compared to it. But what else should he do? Carlos just couldn’t lose Lando as his friend, when he already couldn’t have him all for his own. He just couldn’t lose him, it would finally break him completely.

It did already hurt to know that the younger one had no feelings for him, but it would be his death, if he would leave his life forever. And as a good friend, the Spaniard just had to give him tips and encourage him, even when he wished himself nothing more than to be that lucky guy.

In the end Lando really came together with that YouTuber and Carlos saw his friend only barely any more. At least he saw him during races, but then he almost only talked about his new boyfriend any more, when that guy wasn’t even already with them the whole weekend long.

Actually the Spaniard didn’t know if he should be happy or sad about his friend, when he stood bathed in tears one afternoon in front of his flat. Lando finally needed him again, but Carlos also hated it to see him like that. The YouTuber had cheated on him, Lando had found out so and broke up with him.

To finally have the younger one in his arms again and being able to take care of him, did feel so good. But then Lando began to kiss his lips like that one night and for one quick moment Carlos had really got hope again that maybe the younger one had finally chosen him.

But he quickly told himself, that this wasn’t the case, even when it was his biggest wish. Carlos tried to convince himself to not get hurt even more than he already was, he should stop making himself false hope. Lando was devastated, disappointed, endless sad and he also had a broken heart. He just needed something or better someone to bring him to other thoughts and forget about his pain for at least some moments.

And Carlos had been that one for Lando. The younger one exactly knew that the Spaniard was never able to say no to him, and so he also couldn’t this time. He didn’t say no when Lando climbed onto his lap, he didn’t hold him up from sliding his tongue deep inside his mouth. He didn’t stop his friend, when he first undressed himself and then Carlos and especially he couldn’t say no to him, when Lando literally begged him to please fuck him.

For the younger one it was once again only fun and distraction after he had got his heart broken. About that Carlos’ heart was still broken he didn’t even know about. For the Spaniard it was again not only fun, it meant the world to him to finally have him that close again.

Carlos enjoyed every second of their closeness, of their union. He kissed Lando’s body with so much tenderness and passion, like it was the last time. Maybe it will be the last time for him to see him all naked right under him like that, who know. To see the beauty of his body, to hear those sounds he made and those pretty eyes looking right back up at him, while Carlos did at least something right with satisfying his desire.

He enjoyed every second of it, and while it meant nothing for the younger one, it meant everything and even more for him. Carlos didn’t want to ever let him go again, when afterwards the young Brit was laying all exhausted and already fast asleep next to him.

With tears in his eyes, the Spaniard stroked through his cute curls, caressed his still from a thin layer of sweat hot skin, nosed his hair to fill his lungs were completely filled with his scent and he kissed softly his tremble. Carlos didn’t want to close his eyes for just one second that night, he promised himself so, because he didn’t want to miss just one moment of this.

Even when he had already known it since the beginning, it still broke the older one’s heart once again, when Lando left him the next morning. At least he had stayed for breakfast this time and because Carlos enjoyed it so much to take care of him and make sure he ate and drank enough and the right things, he forced himself to smile the whole time, even when he hated it to let him go again.

But his feelings towards the younger one, time just won’t change anytime soon, no matter how often Lando will tell him about someone he would like to kiss, about all his dates, about all his new possibly boyfriends and breaking so unwanted Carlos’ heart even more with it.

His feelings probably also won’t change, when he will finally be at Ferrari next season, even when Carlos still hoped so. Maybe it will become a little better, because if he was serious, he couldn’t go on like that forever.

It did hurt like hell every time Lando said in an interview or even right into his face, that he won’t miss him next year, while Carlos already missed him like hell now, while he was still right next to his side. The Spaniard had actually planned to enjoy every moment they were still able to have together this season and actually he really did so, but it was also pure torture for him.

On the last race weekend of the year, Carlos cried his eyes out like a little girl, when he had finally seen Lando’s helmet design for their last race together as teammates. The younger one had teased him the whole time about how great his helmet will be and after what he had done for Jarv last year, Carlos’ expectations were pretty high.

To feel this way was once again a big mistake, because while the Spaniard had best wanted to use his whole helmet as a tribute to his friend, like Charles had done for Seb, there was nothing on Lando’s helmet at all that could show any tribute to their shared time together. Nothing, not even a little hidden part or inside joke.

And once again Carlos only blamed himself for feeling that awful and the whole mess he had got himself into once again, because it wasn’t Lando’s fault at all. Yes, he had told him how great his helmet design will be, but he had never said a word about that it would be about him. Lando didn’t have to show any tribute to him at all, it wasn’t written down in his contract or something like that. He just didn’t want to, it was his own decision.

Carlos and only Carlos himself got his own hopes up with imagine himself the best possible scenario, dreaming about a Lando helmet full of little chillies, maybe a little pic of the two of them somewhere or some of their hilarious quotes over the last two years. That made the whole weekend only even worse for him than it already was.

Lando was still everything Carlos thought about, even when their time together at McLaren was already over and they were no longer teammates any more. It became more difficult to spend time together, since Carlos spend most of his time in Italy now, but whenever they were able to finally spend some time together, he enjoyed it even more.

The Spaniard really had to admit, even when he still felt so stupid about it, that he quickly became very jealous about Daniel, because he was able to spend so much time with his friend now, get all of his attention and maybe, maybe he will become the one, who will be allowed to comfort him whenever he will need it.

Carlos actually knew the Aussie, he knew he would never do something like that and it also wasn’t his intention to take his friend away from him, but still. Especially when Lando told him already in January how funny his new teammate was and about the great time they had back at the factory, Carlos felt suddenly so useless while sitting captured here in Italy, not able to spend any time with Lando at all any more.

Time went by and before he could even fully believe it, the new season began. It felt great to finally be back again, even when everything was still so new with Ferrari and Carlos also admitted that he was pretty nervous. He probably won’t ever get used to not have the lively, cheeky, young Brit next to his side any more, but his new teammate was also very entertaining sometimes and they both also came along pretty well.

Compared to Lando, Charles was completely different, but still he could already count him to one of his friends. Since they were back racing, the Spaniard also finally saw Lando more often again. In the paddock, but also after they were done with their duties, when they played FIFA in their hotel rooms, went for dinner or watched a movie together. 

But only as long as Lando didn’t have a new lover. Because if he had one, he wasn’t that much interested to spend any time with his ex-team mate any more. But still Carlos hadn’t learnt to say no to him, after those short relationships were over again.

He didn’t say so, when Lando told him how long ago his last time had been and how horny he already was by now. When there was a sex scene in the movie they did watch and the younger one got turned on so badly because of it.

Carlos didn’t stop him, when he stood all drunk from the after-race party in front of his hotel room and he claimed his lips instantly. But he should have really said no to him, especially because the Spaniard actually exactly knew that Lando was still in a relationship, when his friend told him about how lonely he was, because his boyfriend couldn’t be with him.

But Carlos just couldn’t deny Lando just one wish, he never could. And for him those moments somehow helped him to go on, before they made his whole pain just even stronger. It was his only possibility to get at least some kind of love or at least affection from the younger one, even when he did still only call it sex and the benefits of a good friendship.

But then his ex-team mate came together with his childhood friend and Carlos knew that this time it was something deeper and he probably won’t see Lando for a longer time. It was even harder for him, because he actually also liked Sacha, but seeing them to together broke his heart, because he knew this wasn’t like all those relationships Lando had before. This was something serious.

In a very weak moment, Charles caught his teammate crying about the love he will never receive and until now Carlos didn’t know how the Monégasque had made it, but in the end he had told him everything. About that he was actually in love with Lando, about their first night together and all the other nights after. He told him his heart that evening.

It had felt good to finally be able to talk with someone about it and those unrequited feelings he carried with himself since already such a long time. Charles took him into his arms and it felt good to let himself fall, knowing that he got held. He let him cry out and stayed by his side, he even whispered soothing words down to him, but it still didn’t stop Charles to tell his friend his real thoughts about the whole mess the next day.

Carlos actually knew he was right, when his teammate told him to stop to have those feelings for the young Brit and finally also stop to have hope that maybe one day he will choose him instead of all these guys he already had over the last months. The Spaniard knew that everything Charles said was right, but he still couldn’t stop himself from feeling this way for Lando.

Charles also let him know that he found it pretty unfair, that Lando only spent time with him when he was single and did ignore him completely, while he was in a relationship. Lando suddenly didn’t need him anymore and he even took advantage of him, whenever he wanted to, exactly knowing that Carlos would never say no to him.

All Lando did was taking advantage of him in every way. Carlos tried to defend his ex-team mate, because in his eyes it really wasn’t like that, but he also knew that Charles was right with some points. The Spaniard tried to explain that Lando was still so young and that he just couldn’t know what he actually wanted in life and Carlos really didn’t want to him to be in someone’s wrong hands. He just wanted to protect him and know him in safety. 

But still he just couldn’t switch off those strong feelings he had for him and the urge to take care of him and protect him with any cost. Lando was still too young and inexperienced, he just couldn’t know what he wanted already now. It was part of his development. But Charles also meant, that Lando still being so young really wasn’t an excuse for his careless behaviour.

In the end the Spaniard still promised his teammate to at least think about it to stop giving in every time Lando looked at him with his big, puppy eyes and also say no to him from time to time. That actually shouldn’t be that difficult, because he won’t hear much from the young Brit in the next time anyway, with him being still together with Sacha.

Instead, Charles and Carlos did spend much time together, especially since the Monégasque knew about his secret. It was nice to have someone to talk to and forget about his broken heart at least for as long as they did spend time together and had their fun.

But as soon as Lando and Sacha broke up, the young Brit came crawling back to his ex-team mate, looking for a shoulder to cry onto. Actually Carlos wasn’t much different compared to Lando, Charles thought to himself, after his teammate had refused for the fifth time to come over to his hotel room and play some FIFA together.

Carlos was by Lando, he exactly knew that and like the young Brit actually did with his teammate, so did Carlos with Charles now. He let him down as soon as Lando was willing to spend time with him together again. But on the other hand he still understood the Spaniard’s actions, because he knew how important Lando was for him and that he would do really everything to make him happy again.

And so Carlos also did one night. With still messy hair and reddened cheeks, he did run into Charles on the corridor of their hotel afterwards. “You were with him again, right?” The young Monégasque said all reproachful, after he had looked at him from top to bottom.

Carlos didn’t even dare to look him in the eyes, because he exactly knew himself how wrong it was and that he only hurt himself so even more. But those moments when they were as close as possible made the whole mess more bearable for him at least for some moments and also gave him some fresh air to breathe through, enough to survive but still too less to live. Lando was almost like a drug for the older one.

“Carlos, this really needs to stop.” Charles told his friend all well-meant, even when his voice did sound a little angrily and also annoyed about him and his non-existing willpower to say no to him just once. “But he had a bad race and was so sad about it. And..”

But his teammate didn’t even let him end his sentence, when he already interrupted him with hissing really all angrily and annoyed now “So what? You aren’t his teammate any more and even if you would be, you really don’t have to take care of him like that. Do you still don’t see it? Lando only uses you for his own good. He doesn’t give a damn about how you feel or what you want. Was he ever at your side, when you had a bad race? No, he wasn’t and he won’t ever will, because Lando only thinks about himself. When will you ever get that?”

Since that night, the mood between the two Ferrari drivers wasn’t the best. On the one hand Carlos knew his friend was right, only meant it good and wanted to help him, but on the other hand he hated it to hear him talking about Lando like that. Lando and he won’t ever become a couple, Carlos exactly knew that, so he at least waited for those precious moments every once in a while.

The whole situation only caused the two ex-team mates to spend even more time together and at some point Charles just couldn’t watch the mess any more, when he asked Lando if he had a minute, so they could talk.

“What the hell do you mean I only take advantage of Carlos whenever I want to?” The young Brit repeated the Ferrari driver’s words with a deep frown on his forehead. “You have understood me right. You use Carlos, all the time and I can’t see that any more.”

“I have never used Carlos for my own good, what the hell are you even talking about? And what do you mean with you can’t see it any more? What’s so bad about us spending time together?” Lando backfired in defence, he just didn’t want to understand what Charles tried to tell him, so the Monégasque needed to help him a little, when he told him with clenched teeth

“And what about all those times the two of you have landed in bed together, huh?” Surprised the younger one only looked at him for the next few moments, before his cheeks lightly blushed and he asked still all confused “Why do you know about that?”

“Because Carlos has told me. Damn, Lando, do really don’t see it?” Charles rolled his eyes in disbelief, he just couldn’t understand it how someone could be that blind and ignorant. “What do I don’t see?” The younger asked after he had thought about it and didn’t come to a result.

“Hell, Lando. Carlos loves you, he is head over heels in love with you.” Charles finally told him the truth, while he moved with his arms all wildly in desperation. “What? No. Carlos doesn’t love me.” Lando began to laugh, he found the thought about his ex-team mate having feelings for him pretty amused actually. “We are only friends, who – yeah, okay - who have their fun from time to time, but why do you even put your nose into our stuff. It’s none of your business.”

“No, it is indeed also my business, because I’m the one in which arms Carlos cries whenever you ignore him while you have one of your relationships again. It’s me who holds him, because you have broken his heart once again and you have only played with his feelings. You are even dumber than I have expected you to be. That guy is totally in love with you and you didn’t even notice it, even when it’s more than just obvious.”

“That’s bullshit.” It was everything Lando did response to Charles, even when he couldn’t imagine that he had this made-up all inside his head, but Carlos didn’t love him. There must be another reason, why Charles had needed to calm him down. Maybe he had really got his heart broken, but sure as hell not from him. Carlos wasn’t in love with him, he was one hundred per cent sure about that.

“Then ask him yourself, if you don’t believe me.” Charles finally challenged and before he left him all alone he also added to make his point even clearer “When you are not feeling the same for him, why are you like this to him then? Why do you do this to him? Either you tell him he does also mean a lot to you, that you really mean it serious with him and finally treat him like he really deserves or you better leave him alone, because you can’t let him hang in the air like that forever. Even when I know you enjoy that feeling.”

And so the young Brit did, when he asked Carlos to come over to his room in the evening. Because they had planned to play some FIFA together, the Spaniard instantly gripped for the controller and just wanted to make himself comfortable on the little couch in the corner, when Lando said it out of nowhere

“Is it true you love me?”

With his big, brown eyes, the older one looked down at him, being all caught and unable to response anything first. So the younger one tried to explain him from where it came from, when he added “Charles has told me so. He said you love me, actually already since a half eternity and I told him that’s bullshit, but.. when I look at you now like that, I’m not so sure about it any more.”

Carlos still kept quiet, because he really didn’t have a clue about what he should response to that. He was caught, taken by surprise, he just wasn’t prepared for this conversation at all. After a while, which felt like a whole eternity for the Spaniard, Lando finally added and his voice was filled with shock and disbelief “It’s true, right?”

“Lando.” Carlos said all softly, even when his cheeks had blushed badly, like Lando had never seen it on him before. “No! Why have you never said anything? I didn’t have a clue! That’s.. that feels so wrong. You have lied to me all time long!” The older once hands were shaking baldy, when he placed them at the back of his neck and he tried to calm down.

“I.. I have tried it once, but.. I didn’t want to lose you, Lando. I’m so sorry.” With big, sorry eyes the Spaniard looked down at him, while he did bite down onto his lower lip all unsure and nervous about his answer.

“I don’t know what to say. That’s.. that’s just unbearable for me. How can I spend time with you, when I know you actually have feelings for me? I can’t do this any more, it’s just not possible. Get out of here.”

Carlos’ biggest nightmare had come true. He was actually always the most afraid about that Lando didn’t want to be his friend any more, if he should ever find out about his feelings towards him. And exactly that had happened tonight. And all this because Charles couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

With tears rushing down his cheeks, Carlos ran to his teammate’s hotel room and knocked all angrily against the wood, almost yelling at him to open the damn door. “Carlos. What happened?“ The younger one asked worriedly, like he didn’t exactly know what was going on, after the Spaniard had stepped inside and he had seen how upset and outraged he was.

“Why did you do that? Why did you have to tell Lando that I love him? He said he can’t spend time with me or be friends with me any more, since he knows about my feelings now.” Carlos cried out all desperately, with a thin voice and shaking lips.

“I only told him so, because I can’t see you get hurt like that any more. And when he really can’t be friends with you any more because of that, then he was never worth it in the first place.” Charles told him and he really meant everything he had just said, but he also hated it to see his friend like that. He was sorry for him, even when he knew it was the best for him.

“But.. I can’t go on without Lando any more. I need him, he is everything I have.” Carlos whined, between deep sobs. A world had literally crashed down in front of his eyes with that and Charles exactly knew that why he tried to calm down his teammate with “You are better off without him.”

“No. I don’t even know what to do without him any more. I just..” But Carlos wasn’t able to end his sentence, when Charles suddenly pressed his lips against his surprised one’s and quietened him so. The Monégasque exactly knew what happened. Lando hadn’t returned his feelings, like he had actually hoped for and now his way was finally free to show his teammate how much he actually cared about him and in contrast to Lando he did mean it all seriously.

Charles rested his lips against his mouth for a long, tender kiss. He also framed Carlos’ tear strained face all carefully with his warm palms and when the younger one could feel the Spaniard’s hands on his waist he smiled into the kiss. When breathing became a problem, he finally let go of Carlos’ lips to rest his forehead against his, so he could look him deep in the eyes when he told him

“Your love for him makes you blind, Carlos. You don’t see that there is actually someone, who already loves you with his whole heart. And this one you can even have, if you want. I don’t want you to choose between Lando and me, I just want you to be happy.” Charles whispered so close to his still from the kiss wet lips, while he let his fingers slide through those dark hair strains on the back of his neck. 

They were looking deep into each other eyes for the next minutes and because Charles actually hadn’t even expected an answer from the Spaniard already now, he finally connected their lips together and this time Carlos did even response the kiss.

They went slow because the Monégasque exactly knew about how hurt his teammate still was about that Lando didn’t even talk to him one word any more, since that evening. But at the same time he could see and also feel it, that he meant a lot to Carlos and that he enjoyed their new discovered closeness.

Over one month had already passed since their first kiss and even when many kisses had already followed, they still hadn’t got any further. Even when they hadn’t been separated for one night since that evening.

It was Sunday on a non-race weekend. They had been out for dinner the evening before, following they had been in the cinema and had spent the night like already so many before at Charles’ place in Italy. Carlos had been still fast asleep, when the younger one had slipped out of bed to make himself some coffee.

He passed the time till the Spaniard will wake up with playing on the piano. Carlos woke up to those soft tones, filling the early morning hour. While he did lean against the door frame, he watched the younger one floating with his nimble fingers over the piano keys all dreamily, while the sunbeams of the new day covered him in a soft, almost magical light.

Almost like an angel he sat there and made that beautiful music, causing goose bumps to break free over his arms, while watching him all peacefully like that. After a half eternity Charles probably must have felt his eyes on his back, when he turned around and greeted him with a still lightly sleepy smile.

Like always when he gifted him one of these gorgeous smiles, his dimples became visible and made him look even more beautiful and cuter than he already was in Carlos’ eyes. The Spaniard smiled softly back at him with his right-out-of-bed-hairstyle, before he pushed himself away from the door frame to walk over to where Charles was still sitting on the little bench in front of the piano.

The older one sat down right next to him, so their bare upper legs did touch and their hands did linger for each other. All tenderly Carlos kissed the young Monégasque, framing his face with one hand while doing so and stroking over his soft cheeks.

“You won’t hurt me, right?” He whispered, when they pulled apart after their passionate good morning kiss. “I would never hurt you.” Charles promised sincerely, kissing the older one’s lips for one more time, before Carlos suddenly stood up, but didn’t let go from his teammate’s hand during the process.

So also Charles stood up and followed the Spaniard without hesitation, when he leaded him back into his bedroom, giving him a smile over his shoulder while doing so. They made love for the first time that morning and since a very long time, Carlos hadn’t thought about Lando for a few hours.

A few weeks later Daniel had invited the two Ferrari driver’s over to his place in Monaco to his birthday party. By that chance, when they were already in the city, the couple also visited Charles’ family, so Carlos finally got to know them, before they went to the party.

Hand in hand they got there, even when it was sometimes still a little strange for the Spaniard, because Charles was his first boyfriend, they were an official couple. But it also felt good to feel his hand in his, to feel the younger one lean against his side, while Carlos had wrapped his arm around his waist.

He had known from Daniel, that Lando would also be at the party and Carlos had spotted him already in the very first moment when they had entered his flat, of course he had. Lando was talking all lively with Max in one corner, he hadn’t noticed him yet.

But after Charles had placed a peck onto his cheek, before he went over to some of his friends from here, Lando’s and Carlos’ eyes met over the crowd. The Spaniard gifted him a smile and also waved into his direction, but the younger one just kept on eyeing him confused and somehow also disgusted.

Before the older could even think about it, Charles was back by his side to drag him over to his friends to introduce him with them. Over the whole evening long there had been not one single chance for Carlos to speak to his ex-team mate. It seemed like Lando still tried to not cross his way, even when over two months had already passed since he had found out about his feelings towards him.

But then the Spaniard spotted him all alone on the balcony of Daniel’s flat, and Carlos just couldn’t take his eyes away from him any more. “It’s okay. Go to him.“ Charles whispered to him, while pushing his elbow softly into his boyfriend’s side, after he had watched his longing look already for too long.

Carlos nodded his head and pulled the younger one closer for a quick kiss, grateful about that he understood him and that he didn’t hold him up from talking to Lando. The young Brit hadn’t noticed him, while he had stared down at the city under the balcony, only when he heard the glass door getting opened he looked back over his shoulder.

“Hey, Lando.“ Carlos greeted him all hopefully. It was great to finally see him again, after such a long time, except the few times he had seen him from far away on the grid, but these didn’t really count. The younger one didn’t response anything, before he went back to look into the distance.

Even when the Spaniard had already expected such a reaction from him, it did still hurt and made everything just even more complicated. But Carlos didn’t give up so easily, for that Lando still meant way too much to him. So he stepped right next to his ex-team mate, hold himself onto the railing and followed his look down to the life on the streets.

“It’s a pretty view.” Carlos said all carefully, while he watched Lando to his right form the corner of his eyes. “What do you even want here? Why don’t you go back to boyfriend?” Lando did spit out the last word like it was poison inside his mouth.

The Spaniard did breathe deep inside his lungs, before he faced the younger one and told him sincerely “I have just wanted to talk with you. We haven’t seen each other since.. since a half eternity.“ Carlos had actually also wanted to add that he did miss him, but he kept that part to himself.

“Talking? Now you want to talk? Why haven’t you told about your new, perfect boyfriend? About that it’s _Charles_?” Lando asked all angrily, while he narrowed his eyes up at him. “But, Lando. You have ignored me the last two months. Should I have really called you just to tell you that I’m together with Charles now?”

Like a little, stubborn kid, Lando crossed his arms in front of his chest. He exactly knew himself that Carlos was right, but of course he would never ever admit that. Like that they stood there on the balcony for the next tensed moments.

The Spaniard didn’t know what to say, because he had the feeling that didn’t matter what he will say, it will be wrong anyway. He just wanted things to be like before Lando had found out about his feelings. He did really miss him and the knowledge that nothing will be like before ever again did hurt every time from new.

But in the end it was Lando’s voice, who did finally break the silence of the night, when he asked and his voice did suddenly sound so weak and voluntary “I have thought you love me?” Carlos was surprised about his words, the way his voice did sound and how he looked up at him.

“It’s true. I love you, I still do.” The older one admitted, even when it was still not easy for him to tell Lando his feelings, after all the time he had built up this massive wall to hide his feelings behind it. “And why are you with Charles together then?” He asked next and his voice didn’t sound that sad any more, actually more angry again.

Somehow Carlos didn’t understand his question, why he first frowned at him, but Lando’s reproachful look had drilled deep inside his flesh and finally caused him to answer all insecure “Because you obviously don’t feel the same for me.”

“Yeah, I don’t.” Lando’s dry, unconcerned answer did hurt, even when Carlos had already known so before, but still. And now he really didn’t know what to say any more, while they just stood there and stared at each other. Lando in anger and Carlos in desperation.

His eyes did linger a little longer on him, while the young Brit had already followed the noise of the door and looked over to who will join them outside here. “Hey, Carlos.” Max’s familiar voice finally broke the embarrassing silence, when he stepped outside.

“Hola, Max. How are you?” The Spaniard finally asked the younger one kindly, after he had finally found his voice again and made it to take his eyes away from Lando. The two ex-team mates did some small-talk, before Carlos wished them both a nice evening and finally went inside again, but not without looking back at Lando for one last time, who once again only ignored him.

“Are you okay?” Charles asked worriedly, when his boyfriend was finally back by his side and he saw his sad expression. “Yeah, don’t worry. I will tell you later.” The older one secured him, before he did lean down to kiss his lips and wrap his arms around his belly from behind.

During the last races before the summer break, Carlos and Lando didn’t have any contact at all. Also during summer, they didn’t speak with each other and especially they also didn’t see each other during the break.

Carlos and Charles did spend half of their break in Spain by his family. While they were on a trip with their boat on this beautiful day, his older sister said something to him that let the blood in his veins freeze. 

“I have actually always expected you would end up with Lando.” He gave her a puzzled look, because Charles was actually the only one, who knew about his feelings towards the young Brit. “Don’t look at me like that, hermano. You really didn’t do a good job hiding it, that you actually like him a lot. But I have to say that Charles is also more than just alright. I’m happy for the two of you.”

Carlos didn’t want to, it was so unfair towards Charles, but he still asked himself how things would have turned out, if Lando had returned his feelings. Would the two of them be here right now? Would they have shared this day together with his family? Would Lando be the one sitting between his legs now, while they would watch the sunset? Would he have wrapped his arms all tightly around his smaller body now?

But to those question he probably won’t ever get an answer, so Carlos told himself that he should better be happy to have Charles. He was a great boyfriend, very supportive and compassionate. He knew about him more than anyone else and he was always there for him.

Charles had helped him through his darkest times, had made him smile again and he also showed him what it meant to get loved. Actually Carlos should be the happiest guy on this planet, but he wasn’t so completely. Lando was still in his thoughts and deep inside his heart, even after everything.

And Charles exactly knew that, but still the Spaniard had his back and his full understanding. And Carlos also loved him, he really did, but it was a different kind of love than the one he did carry deep inside himself for Lando. Charles knew that his boyfriend was still not over it, but he will help him whenever and wherever he could to finally get over that pain.

And so Charles finally did after the summer break, because he could exactly see how bad the older one did suffer under that Lando still refused to talk to him, to spend some time with him together any more like they used to do so often, he didn’t even look at him any more, like all those memories between them did never meant anything to him.

After qualifying on Friday, the Monégasque was searching for the young McLaren driver and finally leaded him behind some trucks, where he could finally tell him his opinion about the whole mess.

“Let me go! What do you even want from me?” Lando complained, while he tried to free himself from the older one’s grip. “I want you to stop acting like a little, stupid, cowardly kid.” Charles explained to him directly, because that was exactly what he wanted from him.

“Screw you. It’s not my fault your car is so shit slow. I had to overtake you there and..“ The Monégasque rolled his eyes and interrupted the younger one’s train of words, when he told him already pretty annoyed about his ignorance “I’m not talking about the qualifying you idiot. I’m talking about Carlos and how you behave towards him in the last time.”

“That’s none of your business.” Lando simply answered and already wanted to leave the conversation with that, when Charles held him back by his arm, tighter this time so he couldn’t escape from this situation. “It is, because I’m his boyfriend and I see how much he suffers under your dumbness.”

“What do you even want from me, huh? You have told me to leave him alone, that’s what I do and now you say the opposite? Do you even know yourself what you are saying, what you want me to do?” Lando told him frustrated while he wildly gestured with his arms.

“I want you to be the friend Carlos needs. You finally got it that you can’t let him hang in the air forever, when you made it all clear to him that you don’t feel the same for him than he does for you, but I didn’t ask you to leave his life completely. He needs you, he misses you, even when I still don’t get it why.”

Lando narrowed his eyes at the older one for this comment, before he spit out all indifferent “Why should he need me any more? He has you for the sex, he can fuck you whenever he wants instead of me now. So what’s the problem?”

Charles moved his hands through his hair in disbelief, he just couldn’t get it how someone could be that dumb. “Are you really that stupid, Norris? For Carlos it was never about the sex, can you really not get that? For him it was all only about you, the whole time long. He knew it was sometimes the only chance to spend time with you, to have you close, because if he wouldn’t fuck you, you would have looked for someone else and Carlos just couldn’t stand that. He wanted your near and he wanted to know you are in good hands and won’t get hurt. You mean so much to him, he still loves you more than me and you are still too blind to see that. I feel really sorry for you. You had the chance to have it all, instead you still break the man’s heart who cares about you more than his own life. He is exactly aware about that he can’t ever have you, but he needs you as a friend more than anyone else, so get down from your pedestal and finally be the friend he needs so urgently in his life. ”

Now it was Charles who had to get away from here, before those tears waving in his eyes could fall over the edge. He really didn’t want to cry in front of Lando. It still didn’t want to get into his head, why Carlos loved the young Brit that much. Charles was aware about that the feelings his boyfriend still had for Lando, were stronger than the once he had for him.

He was totally aware about that, but it did still hurt like hell every time. Especially saying it out loud, in front of Lando. That boy didn’t even know how much luck he actually had and how much more luck he could have had. How bad Charles wished Carlos had those deep, strong feelings for him instead. He was willing to do everything for the Spaniard, he was even willing to endure this all only to call him his boyfriend.

Two weeks had already passed, since he had that conversation with the younger one and nothing had happened, nothing had changed. And actually Charles wasn’t really surprised about that. He hadn’t expected something different from the cowardly McLaren driver.

Carlos was still the same. He tried to not show it, but he did miss his ex-team mate badly. But those worries were completely forgotten when on Saturday evening on their free weekend his father called the Spaniard with the sad news that his grandfather had passed away one hour ago.

Carlos and his grandfather had always been very close and it was obvious that a world broke down for him at that moment. Carlos had cried the whole night long in Charles’ arms, crying about the big loss, crying about not being able to be by his beloved grandfather’s side, when he had needed him, crying about that he wasn’t able to say goodbye and not being able to ever see him in this life again.

The younger one was currently making his boyfriend some hot tea, after this restless night, when someone did ring at the front door. He was more than just surprised to see a lightly stressed and also exhausted looking Lando standing there with a bag over his shoulders.

They didn’t greet each other, instead Charles only gave him a puzzled look, before the young Brit explained “Daniel gave me your address.” He nodded in understanding, so at least that question was answered, but he still didn’t know why Lando was suddenly standing in front of his flat and why exactly today, after..

Oh. Charles did finally count one and one together. Rupert had probably told Lando about what had happened to Carlos’ grandfather. His boyfriend’s trainer and the McLaren driver were still pretty close and because Lando exactly knew how much Carlos’ grandfather had meant to his ex-team mate, he finally jumped over his shadow to be the friend to Carlos he needed so urgently at the moment.

Charles didn’t response anything to that information, instead he only opened the door wider to make the way free for Lando to step inside. “He is in the living room.” He simply told him, before he watched the younger one passing him by, getting out of his shoes and dropping his bag to the floor, while he closed the door behind them.

Because Lando had no clue where the living room was, he looked back over his shoulder to the Ferrari driver, who gestured him to the room on their right. From where he was standing next to the door frame, he watched how Lando entered the room almost noiseless.

Carlos hadn’t noticed his presence yet, he was only staring with his red and swollen eyes at one random point in front of him, like he already did so the whole morning long. Only when the younger one stepped closer to the couch he was sitting onto, Carlos moved his head and his eyes widened almost painfully, when he got it who was coming his way.

“Lando.” The Spaniard whined out, his eyes already filled with new tears and his lower lip began to shake, while he opened his arms wide for him to get closer. “Carlos.” Lando whispered, when he had finally closed the distance between the two of them and wrapped his arms around the older one’s neck, so Carlos could bury his face into the curve of his neck, while his whole body was shaking.

Charles’ heart felt so heavy, while he watched the two of them like that, because he had the feeling that he hadn’t been able to comfort his heartbroken boyfriend like Lando could at the moment, but at the same time he was relieved for Lando to be here and take care of his boyfriend, finally doing what friends were supposed to do after all those things Carlos had already done for him.

Charles finally gave the two of them some privacy, when he got back into the kitchen and did prepare two cups of tea instead of only one now. But the two of them didn’t even notice him, when he placed the cups in front of them on the little table.

Carlos was once again crying bitterly, while he held onto the younger one’s shirt all tightly. Maybe the fact that Lando had finally come back to him at this moment, when he needed him so bad, when not even the most, caused his boyfriend to sob even harder and more heart-breaking.

Lando tried to shush him with caressing over his trembling back and stroking those hair strains out of his tear strained face. He held Carlos all tight against his body, like he wasn’t willing to ever let go of him ever again, which caused Charles to feel pretty uncomfortable.

But he really didn’t want to start a fight right now. He exactly knew his boyfriend needed the closeness more than anything else at the moment, so he just bit down onto his tongue to keep himself from saying anything he would regret later and instead pulled on his jacket to get to the next supermarket.

They needed more to eat at home with now having a guest. Also, when Carlos probably won’t be able to eat much in the next time. When Charles came home again, he found a sleeping Carlos and a sleeping Lando on his couch. Even when that feeling of jealousy was still deep inside his belly, he still had to smile to himself, when he saw them like that.

Also, because Carlos hadn’t slept for one minute last night, so it was good that he had finally found some rest, even when it was in Lando’s arms, instead of his own. They looked both so peacefully, while they had their eyes closed, slumbered and snored quietly, while holding onto each other, when Charles wrapped a blanket about their sleeping bodies.

While the two of them were napping in the living room, the Monégasque cooked some pasta for the three of them. It was already in the afternoon, when the two ex-team mates finally woke up from their long nap.

For the love of his boyfriend, Charles got along with Lando the whole time. He forgot about their latest conversation and also Lando acted like there had never been anything between them, because Carlos didn’t even know they were talking a few days ago and especially he didn’t know about what they were talking about.

Because the Spaniard’s eyes kept dry after they had woken up, Lando finally told them the story about how he had got to them so quickly. He had instantly got into the next plane, when he had got to know about what had happened.

He will get into a hotel for the night and will fly back to the UK tomorrow midday. Carlos instantly suggested to his friend that he didn’t need to get himself a hotel room, he could stay here over the night. Unsure Lando looked over to Charles, because he knew this was actually his place and he also needed his permission.

And because he would just do everything to make his boyfriend happy or at least to smile today, Charles secured the McLaren driver that it was alright for him, if he wanted to stay.

Only the TV was audible in the background, while they were eating dinner. At least Carlos ate a half plate of the pasta, about which Charles but also Lando were obviously very glad about. While the Spaniard was taking a shower, Lando helped the other Ferrari driver with the dirty dishes.

“Thank you for agreeing to let me stay here over the night.” The younger one told him all sincerely and for the first time Charles did believe him his words fully. “Don’t worry. I’m glad you finally came to your senses. As long as Carlos is happy about you being here, I’m also.“

While his boyfriend and the young Brit were watching some random movie together and sipped some cacao, Charles was packing their bags for their flight to Spain tomorrow, to the funeral of Carlos’ grandfather. When he was finished, Charles also joined them, but took place on the other end of the couch.

Before the movie was even finished, both, Carlos and Lando, had fallen asleep again. Charles finally woke them softly to tell them to get into bed, both of them. All sleepily and also lightly confused, Lando had looked up at the Monégasque with messy hair, not getting it why he would let him and his boyfriend sleep together in his bed.

But Charles just wanted Carlos’ best. He wanted him to sleep properly, especially because tomorrow will be a hard and pretty emotional day for him and it seemed like he could rest better with Lando next to him.

Yes, it did hurt to see the two of them disappearing into his bedroom, while he will spend the night on the couch, but he knew that nothing will happen and it was good for his boyfriend to finally spend some time with Lando together again.

Even when it kept him awake a few hours during the night, while imagined them cuddling in his bed. But finally also the exhausting was stronger than his thoughts and he fell asleep for the night.

Together the three of them had breakfast the next morning. Charles and Lando tried to talk about random things on the table, while Carlos stayed quiet most of the time and only listened half-hearted to their conversation. The two ex-McLaren drivers snuggled for some more, before it was time for them to get to the airport.

It was hard for Carlos to say good-bye to Lando there, but the young Brit’s presence the last twenty-four hours was good for him and it also promised their future together as friends to be brighter again. Lando seemed to have learnt his lesson, at least Charles hoped so and he really wished for his boyfriend’s good and happiness for their relationship to be closer again from now on.

And it really seemed like that. Since these two days Carlos and Lando had spent cuddled up on Charles’ couch, things got better between the two of them again. They did spend more time together again, during the race weekends, but also whenever Carlos was in the UK for some days. Charles was happy for his boyfriend, while he tried to suppress his jealousy towards the young Brit.

Actually the Spaniard and he had planned to go for dinner tonight and later watch a movie together all comfy, but the second Charles had entered their shared hotel room, Carlos already came into his direction to touch his upper arm and look down at him with his big, brown eyes.

“Tesoro, would you mind, if we would postpone our dinner tonight?” The older one asked with that one tone of his voice, he wasn't usually able to say no to. Confused the Monégasque frowned at his boyfriend and even when he shrugged his shoulders and following also nodded his head in agreement, he still asked why.

“You know, Lando had a pretty shit race today and I want to look after him.” Carlos explained, while he looked deep into his boyfriend’s eyes to see if he was really okay with it. Of course, it had to do something with the McLaren driver, Charles thought to himself and really had to suppress to roll his eyes.

But still he let his boyfriend go to the younger one in the end, but only after he had promised Carlos that he was really alright with it and after he had also told him, that he will ask Pierre if he would like to go for dinner with him, the Spaniard was finally relieved enough to get over to Lando’s hotel room without a bad conscience.

Like he had already expected his ex-team mate to do, he was laying like a crying ball all curled up on top of his bed and sobbed his worries out of his body. It needed a half eternity, till Lando finally calmed down in his arms, after Carlos had secured him for at least a hundred times that he was still one of the best drivers for him, that it wasn’t his fault about what had happened out on the track today and that it only made him stronger.

Carlos had pulled the younger one onto his lap to shush him better, hold him tighter and cradle him, but after the two of them had shared some smiles, even when Lando’s eyes were still all swollen and red, he shifted on his lap, until his knees were right next to his waist and he eyed him dreamily.

The older one didn’t know where to go with his hands, he finally rested them by Lando’ ankles, while the younger one had laid his palms onto his shoulders in the meantime. They were both quiet, while Lando’s eyes were almost drilling right into Carlos’, who didn’t know where to look at, feeling a little uncomfortable about this current situation.

The Spaniard had told himself, that he only imagined it, that he had only imagined Lando trying to seduce him, but then the younger one started to stroke with his fingertips over his chest and finally let them disappear under his shirt.

“Lando.” Carlos warned him, while he tried to move with his head away, while the young Brit got closer and closer with his lips to his. By now he was already rubbing his obviously interested middle against the Spaniard’s crotch, but Carlos still seemed to be not interested at all about the show his ex-team mate was giving him at the moment.

Lando was already so close to his face, the tip of his nose brushed lightly over his cheek, he could feel his breath against his skin, he could smell his scent, when he began to work all impatient on his belt. “Lando, stop it.” Carlos warned him once again, a little sharper this time, but it still didn’t hold up the younger one to open his belt completely and finally let his hand slip inside his pants.

“What the hell are you doing here?” The Spaniard wondered all angrily about his impossible behaviour, after he had stood up very quickly to get away from this situation and the sudden movement had almost caused Lando to fall down the bed.

Like he didn’t have a clue about what his friend was talking about, Lando looked up at him all innocent. “What’s wrong?” He answered with a question himself, while his cheeks obviously blushed a little because he had just got rejected.

For the next minute, Carlos kept on watching his ex-team mate in disbelief, while he closed his belt again. He breathed deep into his lungs for one more time, let his head sink and shake because he had no understanding for his friend’s actions at all any more.

“Lando. You exactly know I’m with Charles. So why do you do this?” The Spaniard wanted to know, still not being able to understand it at all. “I’m sad and disappointed. I have thought we could do what we always do whenever I feel this way.” Lando answered easily, like it made the whole thing finally all understandable.

But it backfired, because actually Carlos had hoped for a better excuse than this from his friend. He didn’t know what he had expected, but he just couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Like a fish he gaped down at the younger one, not knowing what to answer to this crazy reason.

Also Lando looked like he didn’t know what to say any more to get himself out of this mess here, to find a better excuse and clear it all, but he just couldn’t. He had made a mistake, a very big mistake even.

Minutes, which actually felt like years for both of them, passed by, till Carlos found his voice finally as first again, when he said softly, almost compassionate to him “We can’t do this any more, Lando. Charles and I are together, we are a couple. I would never cheat on him.”

“But, it’s actually nothing serious between the two of you, so why not? Where is the problem?” Lando asked all confused, while his brain urgently tried to get clever and understand this all here. Once again the Spaniard could only stare at him with a wide opened mouth.

“Why.. why do you think it’s nothing serious between Charles and me?” He really wanted to know from him, because actually they were indeed in a very serious relationship with everything that came with it. And the next words coming from his friend’s lips made him finally all speechless and took him by surprise, when he told him with his big, beautiful eyes “Because you actually love me.”

And Lando wasn’t even wrong with it. It was true, Carlos loved him, he still did, but he also loved Charles and he also really cared about him. He would never hurt Charles like that after what he had all done for him. It was Lando himself who had told him so many months ago that he didn’t want anything from him, that he didn’t have the same feelings for him like he had for him. So what was this all about now?

With lightly blushed cheeks Carlos lowered his gaze. He felt so vulnerable at the moment, even when it was Lando in front of him. He had to swallow down the thick knot inside his throat, before he could tell him with a thin, quiet voice “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I can cheat on Charles. I also have feelings for him.”

The Spaniard dared to look up at his ex-team mate then, even when he was kind of afraid to see his reaction. Lando’s expression told him more than he had actually wanted to know. The younger one looked shocked about that information, he hadn’t expected it at all. He also looked hurt, disappointed and pretty sad.

Carlos didn’t know what his statement had changed, but it obviously had a lot in his friend’s world. Had Lando really thought he was together with Charles because he was bored? Back then Lando himself had kind of told him to go on, even when his words had been harsher that day, but Carlos finally had. He lived his life, had found someone he really wanted to be together with and who also loved him fully. He was actually happy.

Lando really seemed like he still couldn’t understand what he had just heard, so the older one tried to explain him all carefully “Charles, he.. He is very good to me, was always there for me, when I needed him.” Carlos kept to himself that he was especially always there for him, whenever Lando wasn’t, but something told him that the younger one was able to read between the lines anyway, so he didn’t even need to say it out loud.

“And he also returns the feelings I have for him.” And that was actually the biggest reason, why he was with Charles, besides all those other many reasons. Now it was Lando’s turn to try to avoid his eyes, when he did lower his eyes to the ground and bit down hard onto his lip.

After some moments he finally nodded his head, maybe in understanding maybe not. With a thin, insecure voice the younger one asked all ashamed “Will you tell Charles about this?” Lando didn’t even dare to look up at Carlos any more, only when the Spaniard had pity with him and secured him “No, I don’t want him to worry. He won’t find out about it. And I will also try to forget about it.”

Grateful but at the same time also devastated, Lando looked up at him through his lashes and even in the faint light of the room, Carlos could tell that his eyes were all glassy. “I better go now.” The Spaniard finally said quickly, because he had to get away from here.

He couldn’t stand to see his friend like that, even when he still didn’t understand why he was so down and even close to tears. If Carlos stayed now and take him into his arms to comfort him, he would maybe do something he would really regret later.

So he did flee out of his ex-team mate’s hotel room and tried to make his fastest way outside the building to get for a walk to clear his mind. When he got around a corner he suddenly ran into his boyfriend, who just came back from dinner with Pierre.

“Carlos. What are you doing here? What happened?” Charles wanted to know, already all worried while he eyed the older one closely. He could say that something was wrong with him, he was totally blown away and looked pretty absent. He just knew that look all too well on him already.

“I.. I have actually just wanted to go for a little walk.” The Spaniard quickly explained and even when it was actually the truth, his boyfriend still knew there was more behind it. “Do you want me to join you?”

“No. I mean, yes. If you really want to. But you could also spend some more time with Pierre together, you have barely seen each other in the last time.” Carlos suggested well-meant with a smile that looked way too forced and fake. Charles knew that the older one was way too kind and polite to tell him he wanted to be alone at the moment, but he still got it and did him a favour, when he told him that he will really spend some more time with Pierre together and they will see each other later in their hotel room.

Carlos placed a quick peck onto his lips and waved at the two of them, before he went on his way and disappeared. Pierre kept quiet, even when he knew that something was wrong here. Actually the Frenchman had really thought they would maybe play some games on his PlayStation now and spend the rest of the evening together like they had done so often when they were younger, but instead Charles stopped the two of them, when he asked

“Would you be mad at me, if we will stop the evening here?” His friend looked so worried, why Pierre could only shake his head, even though he would have liked to spend some more time with him together. “Everything okay?”

He finally had to ask, because Carlos’ and now also Charles’ behaviour made him concerned as well. “Yeah, I just have to check something. Don’t worry.” Charles secured him, before they quickly hugged and their ways separated.

“What have you done this time?” The Monégasque asked furious the second he had stepped a foot into Lando’s hotel room. The younger one had opened the door for him so fast, like he had expected someone else behind it.

“What? I haven’t done anything.” Lando lied right into his face and acted like he was the angel everyone thought he was. “Don’t act that hypocritical. What have you done to my boyfriend?” Charles got even louder and caused the young Brit so to finally break pretty quickly.

“So Carlos has told you?” The Spaniard had really broken his promise. Lando was kind of angry at him for that, but at the same time he also knew he had no right to feel this way. It was still all his fault. But to his surprise, Charles told him something different “No, he didn’t even need to tell me one word. I have seen it in his eyes. They looked the same way as all the other times you have already hurt him. So tell me finally, what have you done or said to him? I’m really done with you by now. Whenever I think you have finally come to your sense, you hurt him again on purpose.”

“I didn’t hurt him on purpose!” Lando defended himself, while he hugged himself even tighter. “But you still have! I won’t ask again, what have you done?” Charles really wanted to know by now. His head was all reddened and his hands into tight fists. No one was allowed to hurt Carlos, especially not the one his boyfriend actually trusted the most.

But then Charles finally got it what had happened inside here. Lando didn’t even have to tell him, because it was actually more than just obvious. “You have once again tried to use him for your own good, right?” Lando eyes snapped up at him, before he had to look away as quickly again.

He didn’t need to answer him just one word, because the older one knew it was true anyway. He suddenly felt another feeling rising in his chest. It was satisfaction, the knowing that he had won the actually unspoken battle between the two of them, because Carlos had chosen him over Lando. This time at least, finally.

Sure of victory, Charles looked down at the miserable heap in front of him, the knowledge about that Carlos was on his side was more than just satisfying. “It’s actually pretty funny, you know.” The Monégasque began and by the tone of his voice Lando shrugged together.

“Now that Carlos is in a relationship and you can’t have him any more, you are suddenly interested in him and think he is great.” It normally wasn’t Charles’ way to be like that, but after all those months, after all those things that had happened especially between the McLaren driver and himself, it felt so good and he also couldn’t stop himself any more.

With a very small and thin voice Lando tried to say “I have always found Carlos great, the whole time long.” With a big grin on his lips, the older one narrowed his eyes on him. He finally had Lando where he had always wanted him. In Carlos’ place. He should finally find out the hardest way, all by himself, what it meant to care so much about someone and only get rejected and hurt.

“Have you really thought you are still his number one after everything? After you have already hurt him so often, after you have let him hang in the air for so long, after you have only used him for your own good? You have enjoyed it so much, right? It made you feel so good to know you could do whatever you want to him, because you exactly knew he would do everything for you, no matter how often you will hurt him. Admit it, you knew since the very beginning that he was in love with you.”

Lando pulled his hands up to his ears to protect himself from the Monégasque’s words, while he shook his head, even when he exactly knew it was true. “Stop. Please, stop it. I know, I know I have made mistakes, big mistakes even, but I’m really sorry about it all. It was never my intention to hurt him, but.. damn yes, I liked it to have his whole attention and affection. But I really couldn’t know he actually loved me.”

“Only a dumbass wouldn’t have noticed it. This whole situation is pretty stupid for you now, right? Because it’s too late. You had your chance, actually you had more than one and you didn’t use just one of those many. It’s over, live with it. Carlos is with me now and I try every single day to make him happy, to make up for what you have missed all the time. You could have been the happiest man on the whole world, but you have chosen to hurt the one who loves you the most. Now you get the price for it.”

By now Lando had buried his face inside his palms, his shoulders were shaking and Charles was sure he was crying quietly. But he didn’t have any pity with him. Not after what had happened.

Even when he didn’t look up at him, the older one still pointed warningly with his finger down at him, when he told him all seriously “Stop trying to seduce my boyfriend and if you should really dare to hurt him just one more time I will beat your ass, I promise you this. I only let you close to him, because you are still his friend and somehow he still cares about you a lot, but I swear if you should ever try something like that again, I will force Carlos to choose for one side and we both know for whom he will choose.”

He let those words sink inside the younger one, waited for some moments, before he stormed out of the room and left the miserable pile to his fate. Till Carlos finally came back from his walk, Charles had calmed down completely again and acted like nothing had happened in front of his boyfriend.

Weeks went by and even when Carlos and Lando still meet regularly, they didn’t mention what had happened between the two of them for one word and at least the older one tried to act like nothing of that had ever happened. How much the tables had turned with time.

But still, something had changed between the two of them, even when Carlos couldn’t name it. Lando in contrast couldn’t hide the change. He was so retrained with him, didn’t even dare to touch him for just once, he always kept a big distance between the two of them. He always seemed very thoughtful, shy when not even bashful and Carlos really had to try it pretty hard to make him smile.

After they have spent the evening of the media day with playing FIFA in Lando’s hotel room, Carlos told his boyfriend, that he was by now really worried about him. Of course, he didn’t tell him about what had happened between the two of them, but Carlos also had no clue that Charles actually knew everything.

“I’m worried about him. He really doesn’t look good lately, but always when I ask him what’s wrong he answers that he is all good.” The Spaniard told the younger one his worries, while he laid on his boyfriend’s chest. “But you don’t believe him, right?”

“No, not at all. He lies to me, I can see it. I already know him too good to not notice it. I just don’t know what it is.” Charles kept quiet then, only kept on stroking through the Spaniard’s dark mane, even when he knew the answer to all his questions.

“I think he is lonely.” Carlos finally announced and the younger one got stiff for one moment, before his boyfriend added “He is single since months. Lando isn't usually alone for long.”

“I’m sure he will find someone soon.” Charles tried to calm down his nerves, also because he didn’t want to talk about this topic any more. Carlos really shouldn’t worry about Lando that much, the younger had also never cared about his feelings, so why should his boyfriend now. Charles’ try to distract him, had finally worked, when he let his hand slip inside his boxers, while kissing him senseless.

Carlos had been in the UK for a couple of days to meet with some of his friends there, visit Rupert, his fiancé and their little baby daughter and do some early Christmas shopping. He had written Lando a message if they wanted to meet during his visit, while he was on the way to the UK, but since then he hadn’t heard one word for him.

Carlos thought he was probably busy with something, maybe he wasn’t even at home. He really hoped for that his lack of contact meant that he had finally a boyfriend again and did spend every free minute with him now. So the Spaniard was on the one hand happy for his friend and also relieved, but on the other hand he would have really liked to spend some quality time with him together.

They could have gone golfing together, go shopping together like they used to do, go for lunch together, for a run or to the cinema. Or they could have just spent their afternoon in front of the TV, playing FIFA the whole time long or on their simulator.

But Lando still hadn’t answered his message and actually the older one really hadn’t expected any answer from him at all any more, when he got a message from the younger one on the morning of his departure day.

‘Can you come over to my place, before you leave? I would like to tell you something.’ Carlos did read and he instantly asked himself what this could be. It must be something big, because he couldn’t tell him on the phone and at the same time he began to worry about him even more than over the last weeks.

‘Sure. I will be there in thirty minutes.’ The Spaniard answered shortly, before he already got into his car. With still the same uncomfortable feeling deep inside his belly, Carlos did ring at Lando’s front door, not even thirty minutes later.

He instantly opened the door for him, so Carlos could slip inside. He just had to look at him for one brief moment to know that something was indeed wrong with his friend, he didn’t look good at all. They hadn’t even greeted each other, only their eyes had met for once, before Lando had lowered his gaze to the ground.

“What happened, Lando?” Carlos instantly wanted to know, after the young Brit had closed the door and he also wanted to get closer to him, to touch him, take him into his arms and show him so that he was there for him, but Lando didn’t only avoid his eyes, he also didn’t want any closeness at all.

“I have to tell you something.” His friend repeated instead, while his eyes were fixed on the ground. Carlos kept quiet, telling him so that he was willing to listen to him. Lando breathed deep inside his lungs for one more time, before he lifted his head slowly, till their eyes met and this time they kept fixed onto each other, when he finally began to speak softly, when he put everything on just one card

“Finalmente sé lo que quiero, que siempre he querido. Pero no lo entendí realmente antes. Te quiero, Carlos. Sólo tu, siempre. Lamento haberme dado cuenta demasiado tarde, pero para mí, eres la persona más importante de mi vida y lo eres todo para mí. Te necesito más de lo que puedes imaginar. Te necesito más que solo como amigo, porque nadie me entiende como tú. Nadie puede tratarme tan bien como tú. Lamento lo que te he hecho todo el tiempo y te he lastimado, pero finalmente recobré el sentido. Finalmente sé que te quiero. Y solo tu.”

_(I finally know what I want, what I have always wanted. But I didn't really understand it before. I want you, Carlos. Just you, always. I'm sorry I realized it too late, but to me, you are the most important person in my life and you are everything to me. I need you more than you can imagine. I need you more than just as a friend, because nobody understands me like you do. No one treats me like you do, because only you know how to handle me. I'm sorry for what I have done to you all the time and that I have hurt you, but I finally came to my senses. I finally know what I want. I want you, only you.)_

Carlos had maybe expected much, but the very last thing he would have ever expected was this. Lando, his Lando, the one he was in love with since a half eternity and the one he cared about so much, stood there in front of him, telling him his feelings in his mother language, like there had never been any unsuccessful tries from his side to teach him at least some basics.

With an in shock wide opened mouth and unbelieving eyes he looked down at the younger one, still not knowing if he had just imagined those Spanish words coming from Lando’s lips or if he had really heard right. He could still only give him a puzzled look, thinking about how incredible sweet those Spanish words had actually sound coming from Lando’s lips.

Carlos just couldn’t believe it that his friend had obviously taken some Spanish lessons, had asked for someone’s help how to say those words in his mother language or he at least tipped it into Google translator, however. Lando had made such an effort to talk to him in Spanish, to tell him his feelings in his mother language, because he exactly knew how much that meant to him.

And Carlos forgave him with pleasure all those mistakes he had made, but even when in the end he was able to understand his words, he still wasn’t able to understand what he was trying to tell him here so badly.

Lando had learnt all those words just for him. Carlos exactly knew how bad his friend was about remembering any foreign words, also the many he had ever tried to teach him over the past years and now he was even talking so many words and every single one went right into his heart. The Spaniard couldn’t even tell with words how much this all meant to him, why he could only keep quiet even after already so many seconds of just staring at each other had passed.

He still looked all overwhelmed down at his friend, not knowing what to do or how to react to this all here. And then Lando said those words he had wanted to hear coming from his lips already since such a long eternity, when he whispered with those glassy, big eyes still fixed on his

„Te.. te quiero, Carlos. Solo tu. Te amo. Te amo tan mucho, todo el tiempo. Lo siento muy, por todo, por favor perdóname.”

_(I.. love you, Carlos. Only you. I love you. I love you so much, already all the time. I'm really sorry for everything I have ever done to you, please forgive me.)_

And even when Carlos had dreamed to hear those words from his friend since such a long time, it still didn’t make him feel the way he had always expected. Maybe because time had changed him, since the last time he had dared to dream about Lando returning his feeling. Carlos wasn’t the same any more. Too much had happened, too much had changed.

Because the Spaniard didn’t dare to move just one millimetre and he also didn’t know what to say after this emotional love confession, Lando began to bite down onto his lip all insecure. He had probably expected another reaction from his friend, but he was still relieved about to have finally said it out loud and he had even remembered every Spanish word he had wanted to tell him.

Yes, Lando had wanted to impress him with it, even when he knew his Spanish was far away from being good, but he exactly knew what it meant to Carlos. It was always his dream to hear him speaking in his mother language and he wanted to make that wish finally come true for him.

Even now, after probably already a half eternity had passed since he had confessed his feelings to Carlos, the older one still kept on standing still and only blinked all overwhelmed down at him, with his lips lightly parted. His lips.

After he had looked right back into Carlos eyes the whole time long, Lando’s eyes did slowly wander down to his so beautiful formed lips. Like always they looked so soft and kissable and after what had just happened between them, Lando couldn’t wait any more to finally feel those perfect shaped lips against his own again after such a long time. Now that he was finally allowed to.

Slowly the younger one got closer to his friend, stopped very close right in front of him, before he got onto his tiptoes to finally reach his rosy lips. Carlos didn’t close the still little present distance between the two of them, but he also didn’t pull away, he was probably still too shocked and taken by surprise.

When Lando finally laid his lips all carefully onto Carlos’, he tried to bring him back to life with kissing him all tenderly and softly. The Spaniard still wasn’t kissing him back, he only stared with widened eyes down at him and just when Lando had wanted to let his eyes flutter close, because he thought his friend did finally response the kiss, Carlos pushed him away almost harshly.

Because he really hadn’t expected such a reaction from him at all, Lando could only look up at the older one in confusion, while his lips were still lightly wet and parted from their just shared kiss. “Lando, what the hell are you doing here?” Carlos asked him all breathless, after he had finally come back to life.

“What.. what do you mean?” The young Brit didn’t understand. Why was he obviously still not allowed to kiss him, even when they were together now? What had he done wrong this time? He just couldn’t understand the world any more.

“You can’t just kiss me. How often do I still remember you about that Charles and me are together?” The Spaniard questioned with a lightly raised voice, almost like he was angry at Lando. Carlos was never angry at him. But already the whole time long the Spaniard had always hoped for his friend to feel the same way for him than he did, so where was the problem now? They could finally be happy and all Carlos was talking about was damn stupid Leclerc once again.

“But.. what do you mean with that you are still together with Charles? I have just told you that I also love you.” Lando tried to explain, because it still didn’t want to get into his head. “Do you really think everything changes from one second to the other, because you just noticed that you are also in love with me?” Carlos asked back in shock, still hoping that this all was some kind of bad joke from his friend’s side.

“It’s not that I have just noticed it. I actually know so since a very long time, I was just not able to understand what those feelings meant, until recently. I mean, you have always wanted me to feel the same for you and now I finally do so what hold us back to finally be together? You said you also still love me, so where is the problem? Get rid of Leclerc and finally be happy with me.”

Once more, Carlos couldn’t believe what he just had to hear. Even after all this time, even after he had tried to explain it to him already so often, Lando still couldn’t or didn’t want to understand it. “You still don’t get it, Lando. I’m together with Charles because I also care about him, not because I’m bored and he is only my way of passing time. He isn’t an interim solution, till you have finally realized how you really feel about me. Charles had helped me through dark times and he was always there for me. He makes me happy, don’t you want to understand that. After all those things he had already done for me, I just can’t leave him like that, I just can’t play with his feelings like that, just because you finally sorted your crazy teenager hormones. I’m together with him, because I want to, not because I have to or because of whatever reason you think we are together. I love him, I really do and in contrast to you, he does return those feelings to me since the very beginning. You already had your chance so often, but you have never used just one. Charles is right. You won’t ever learn it. Even after all this time, you still play with my feelings.”

Now it was Lando’s turn to look up in pure shock at the older one, while his world was falling apart right in front of his eyes. He could exactly feel how pale his face became, the cold shiver running down his back, that thick knot forming in his throat and he suddenly began to feel ill deep inside his belly.

“So what does this all mean?” Lando managed to whine with a dangerously thin and shaking voice, while he could already feel those thick tears burning in his eyes. He was so sure about that Carlos and he would be a couple after he will tell him his feelings and they will be happy together, that he hadn’t even wasted one thought about that his friend maybe won’t be willing to give up everything for him.

“I don’t know.” The Spaniard muttered, while he moved with his hands desperately through his dark mane. But just at that moment he finally came to a life-changing decision, a decision he should have already done since a longer time, when he let his arms and head fall, and Lando could tell that it also wasn’t easy for him, when he finally announced “It’s better when we won’t see each other in the next time, till I will know how to handle this all here. If we can still be friends after everything.”

It broke Lando’s heart into a million little pieces and of all the things it was Charles, who had been right in the end. Now Lando finally knew how Carlos had felt every time he had only used him, every time he had hurt his feelings. Lando really had to find it out the hardest way, but now he knew how damn wrong it had always been from him. Now he finally knew what it meant to get his heart broken.

Tears were falling over the edge of his eyes, because he couldn’t swallow them down anymore and normally he would look for protection in Carlos’ arms now or the Spaniard would have probably already pulled him against his chest, but right now the older one couldn’t even look at him, instead he looked at the front door.

“I will better go now.” He finally decided determined and before Lando could stop him, something he probably wouldn’t have done, because he exactly knew when he had lost, Carlos was through the door and out of his life.

The flight to Italy and also the following Taxi ride was pure horror and torture for the Spaniard. He just wanted to get back home, back to Charles, away from all this mess. He still couldn’t fully understand what had happened in the last hours, why Lando had to realize those feelings for him just now and not months ago when it had been his biggest wish to be together with him.

But it really wasn’t his biggest wish any more now. Carlos was together with Charles now, he had actually everything he had ever wanted, so why did Lando have to make everything so complicated, just when his life had been good for once.

When he was finally standing in front of his boyfriend’s door, his heart was working twice as fast as usual and his whole body was shaking, because he just wanted to tell Charles what had happened already so badly.

He finally needed to say it to his face, because something like that couldn’t be done on the phone. This time he had to tell it to his boyfriend, because he wouldn’t have been able to hide it from him anyway. And Charles also deserved it to get to know the truth. And if Carlos won’t be able to tell him so in the next moment, he will probably burst from all those guilty feelings he carried with him since he had felt Lando’s lips on his.

Of course, the younger one instantly got it that something was wrong, when he opened the door for him and let him inside. “Lando has kissed me.” Carlos told him straight away, leaving Charles back in pure shock. “He has also told me that he loves me, in Spanish.”

Charles had to swallow hard, because he exactly knew how much his boyfriend adored that and he also exactly knew about Carlos’ wish that one day the young Brit will be able to talk to him in his mother tongue. Damn, maybe he still hadn’t won the unspoken battle between Lando and himself, but the younger one also played with unfair means. But at the same time Charles had to admit, that it was a well-played move from him.

And even when the Monégasque had been so convinced about it, when he had seen Lando the last time and he had also told him so, he still wasn’t one hundred percent sure, if Carlos would really choose him over Lando until this moment. He knew the Spaniard still had deep and strong feelings for his ex-team mate, but which feelings will be stronger in the end of the day? Carlos' feelings for Lando or for Charles.

“And what have you said?” The young Monégasque asked all carefully with a small voice, he was afraid about what was coming. He loved the man in front of him with his whole heart, he was really scared to his bones to lose him, but in the end his worries were for nothing, when in the next second the older one reached for his hands and to his big relief he told him honestly

“I have told him that I love you, that I’m very happy with you and also that I will stay with you together. I’m sorry about the kiss, but I was literally frozen when he told me his feelings and then his lips were suddenly on mine. I’m really sorry. Please, can you forgive me?” Tears began to build up in Charles’ eyes because he still couldn’t believe what big luck he had and how he did deserve someone so perfect like this man in his life.

Carlos interpreted his tears wrong, when he apologized again and again, promising him that nothing more had happened between the two of them and that he also won’t see Lando in the next time, till he will know if they could still be some kind of friends after everything.

“Stop, Tesoro. There is nothing you have to apologize for, so there is also nothing I have to forgive you. I just can’t believe it you have really chosen us. I don’t have words for this. I love you so much.” Charles threw his arms around his boyfriend’s neck to wrap him into a long, passionate kiss.

“I also love you, Tesoro. I’m sorry I did let you hang in the air for so long.” Carlos whispered all breathless, while they rested their foreheads against each other. “It’s okay. Now you are here and I won’t ever let you go voluntary any more.” Charles did response, before their lips met again and he did finally lead his boyfriend into his bedroom.

Two days later Charles seriously wasn’t so sure about it any more, if Carlos had really made the right decision. The day he had come back home was great. He had chosen him, instead of Lando, Charles finally had certainly, he couldn’t even tell with words how damn happy it had made him.

The sex they had afterwards was amazing, breath-taking, probably because he knew Carlos did finally only belong to him and that his feelings for him were stronger in the end than the one he had for Lando. Also the rest of that evening was very enjoyable, but since yesterday morning something had changed.

His boyfriend was quiet, too quiet for his usual self. He didn’t talk much, Charles also had the feeling that he didn’t even really listen to his words. Carlos seemed to be so absent, almost vulnerable, far away and with his thoughts somewhere or better by someone else.

The sex they had yesterday afternoon was nothing compared to the sex they had after he had come home the day before. Carlos wasn’t there, he was far away with his thoughts, everywhere but not with him at that moment. Nothing seemed to interest him any more, he was only sitting on his couch, didn’t even follow the random show on the TV, while he was deep inside his thoughts.

The Spaniard also refused to eat and when he finally did, he only ate a half plate. By now the younger one was already pretty worried about his boyfriend. All his tries to cheer him up, to make him happy and smile again failed. And even when Charles had first not wanted to realize it, in the end he still had to admit it, he just had to accept it, because there was no other way. There actually never was.

Carlos was currently sitting on the balcony and stared absently into the distance, he actually already did so since after lunch, when Charles stepped outside to him. He kept on eyeing him by the doorway for some moments, taking in his beautiful appearance while he smiled sadly to himself, even when he exactly knew there was no other way. It was always meant to be that way, since the very beginning actually. But still it did hurt like hell to let him go.

“Hey there.” The younger one finally said carefully, while he got closer to his boyfriend. Carlos had shrugged together, because he hadn’t noted his presence, being so deep inside his thoughts. “Hey.” The older one finally also responded, he even tried to gift him a small smile, which should probably tell him that everything was alright and he didn’t have to worry about him, even when this was actually the biggest lie ever.

But it was anyway already way too late for that. Actually Charles didn’t even worry about him any more, he just wanted to get it done and see the Spaniard finally all happy again. The bag the younger one had carried over his right shoulder, he let fall down to the ground next to him, before Charles got onto his knees right in front of his boyfriend, who eyed him, but especially the bag, all sceptical. He reached out for Carlos’ hands, smiled lovingly up at him, while he stroked all carefully with his thumbs over the back of his hands.

“Where do go?” Carlos asked confused, while he still eyed the bag with a frown, while the younger one watched him with a tilted head. “I won’t go anywhere. But you will, tesoro.” Even more confused than before, the Spaniard looked down at his boyfriend, because he had no clue what he was actually talking about.

Charles did breathe deep inside his lungs for one more time and before he could change his mind again, he finally said it out loud, even when it was probably one of the hardest moments in his whole life “You will fly back to the UK. You will fly back to Lando, where you belong.”

Carlos’ eyes widened instantly by his ex-team mate’s name, but at the same he quickly shook his head, almost like this response was something he had trained himself to do so, before he answered still all shocked “No. Charles, I will stay here, next to your side. I have made my decision. I belong to you.”

Slowly and still with a little, but at the same time also pretty bitterly, smile on his lips, the young Monégasque shook all knowing his head. “No, Carlos. You don’t belong to me, you actually never did and you also never will. And yes, I know you have already made your decision a long time ago. But it’s not me your heart has chosen. It’s Lando, it always was and it’s okay. It really is. This between us wouldn’t have worked forever, I know this now, but maybe Lando and you are made for each other. And you finally need to find that out. I have already packed some of your belongings, things you will need for the next few days. And now, c’mon. Your flight will be in less than two hours.”

Carlos just didn’t know what he should say, he was more than just overwhelmed, taken by surprise and even when his head told him to stay here together with his boyfriend, his heart was already jumping all overjoyed inside his chest and screamed at him to finally get to Lando and love him like he had always dreamed about.

“But..” The Spaniard tried to contradict, but his words quickly left him again, which caused Charles to smile in compassion. “It’s okay. I’m not mad at you or Lando. I know you are one of the good once, Carlos. I know you always want to do the right thing, but you don’t owe me anything. I did this all here with pleasure, loving you and you giving me so much love and affection back has been enough for me to do it all again. We really had a great time together, as long as it did last. But our time is over now. A new chapter will be written for you and also for Lando. Really, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m okay. I just want you to be happy and I know you won’t ever be that happy with me than you will be with Lando. It’s finally time for you to stop to always listen to your head, to stop the urge to always do the right thing. Turn off your mind and be unreasoning for just once. Follow your heart instead, it exactly knows where it does belong. And this is not here.”

The Spaniard gaped like a fish down to him for some more, before his name finally left his lips, almost a little tortured “Charles. I.. I don’t know what to say.” The younger one smiled softly up at him, tilted his head while doing so, before he captured his cheek with his warm palm and secured him “You don’t have to say anything. Just promise me you won’t forget the time we had, because I have enjoyed every second of it.”

Before Charles could even react to it, his now ex-boyfriend had slipped down to him on the ground and had thrown his arms around his neck, pulled him all tightly against his chest and cried into his ear “How could I ever forget just one moment of it. You are and you will also always stay one of the most important people in my life.”

“You also always have a place in my heart. And I promise, it will only be lightly awkward in the garage next time.” Both men began to laugh, even when tears were falling down their faces and they still held all tightly onto each other. They both kept sitting like that for some more, before Charles patted his friend’s back and told him that it was time.

They both had still glassy eyes, when the younger Ferrari driver drove them to the airport and the closer they got there the less Carlos knew if he should cry or smile. Their final goodbye didn’t make it any easier, when they hugged all tightly once again and they both had a hard time to prevent those thick tears to fall over the edge of their eyes.

“Thank you, Charles. For everything. I won’t ever forget what you have done for me.” Carlos whispered into the curve of his neck, before he placed a long good-bye kiss onto his cheek. After the younger one had somehow managed it to swallow down his tears, he did response still all touched “Nothing to thank for, really. But tell Lando I won’t take you back, if he should have already changed his mind again.”

Both had to laugh about his statement, which made their good-bye at least a little more easy and bearable. When it was finally really time, Carlos waved back at the man he did owe so much, before he got through the controls and a new life began for him. And since that moment he couldn’t stop to smile any more.

Until he finally landed in the UK, his mouth angles did already hurt, but in a good kind of way. He was so nervous and excited, his whole body was shaking because he just couldn’t wait to stand in front of Lando’s door, but when he finally did, he was also kind of scared and nervous. Hopefully Lando will be able to forgive him and he really still wanted him.

With his shaking finger, he finally pressed the doorbell, before he gripped the holder of his bag around his shoulder even tighter, so he had something to hold onto, while he was waiting all inpatient and he held all shakily his breath.

It needed way longer than last time, till Lando finally opened the door for him and in the second he got it who was standing there right in front of him, he couldn’t stop to stare with an in surprised wide opened mouth and big eyes up at him. Carlos had to admit that his friend wasn’t looking that good, like he had cried through the last two days, which he could actually understand.

Carlos' nervousness quickly changed into sheer happiness, when he saw his reaction and he grinned over both of his ears down at him, he almost even squeaked because of his anticipation about the following. 

With still that cheeky smirk on his lips, the Spaniard challenged his friend all bossy like already so many times before “Say something else.” Lando still needed a few moments to understand what was going on right now and what those words coming from the man he loved with his whole heart really meant.

Carlos could exactly tell the moment, the younger one got it and his lips also formed into his usual cute, happy smile. And like the cheeky, young man he was always, Lando answered all naughty “El helicóptero no puede volar.” They did both burst out into laughers at the same time, because out of all those many memories they did share, Lando had chosen this one.

When their laughers calmed, Carlos tilted his head and looked all lovingly down at the younger one, who exactly got it that his friend did still want to hear more from him. So Lando finally whispered with tears in his eyes “Soy lago.”

Also tears were shining in Carlos’ eyes, but not only from their laughers any more. Because they both knew what those two simple words meant to each other. It meant more to them than any other words in both of their languages could ever do, more than anyone was ever able to understand.

The next thing Carlos could remember were Lando’s arms wrapped around his neck, his legs hugging his middle and his so perfect shaped lips claiming his all hungrily. With Lando still clinging onto him like a baby monkey, the Spaniard somehow made it to get them both inside and upstairs into his bedroom.

Two hours later, Lando’s skin was still all hot when he was laying all breathless on top of his chest, while Carlos stroked through his sweaty curls, while he told him the whole story. The younger one listened all carefully to him, with his chin resting on top of his hands right above his heart, looking up at him through his long lashes.

“Sounds like I really owe Charles something.” Lando meant to his now boyfriend, after the story had been told. Carlos smiled in response, while he pushed that single curl out of his boyfriend’s face, before he cleverly wrapped the hair strain around his finger.

“Yeah, I think we both owe him something. Maybe I will let him by at the next race and you could let him win some match in one of your many computer games.” The Spaniard suggested, but he was serious. They did both owe Charles their happiness.

Lando giggled in response and they both knew they really had to thank the Monégasque sincerely, but right now was neither the right time nor the right place for that. Right now did only belong to them.

When both of their giggles went silent, Lando looked all dreamily up at the older one, before he crawled further up his chest to finally reach his soft lips again. “By the way, I should tell you from Charles, that he won’t take me back any more, if you should have changed your mind again and don’t want me any more.” The Spaniard told him teasingly, after their long kiss, while their lightly wet and swollen lips were still so close to each other.

“Don’t worry, I will never ever let you go again and I also won’t ever change my mind any more, I promise. The kindergarten games are over, my stupid teenager hormones are gone, I finally know what I want and I would really give everything to make you stay right next to my side. It’s over now. I know I belong to you and my place is right here in your arms and nowhere else. You are the key to my happiness, Carlos.”

How good those words did feel, the Spaniard thought to himself, while he eyed the beautiful, young man lying there on top of his chest, making him the happiest man on the whole planet. “Te amo, mi corazon.” He whispered, while he playfully nudged with the tip of his nose over Lando’s.

“Te amo, my love. Te amo forever.” Lando whispered, while he caressed over his boyfriend’s beard, followed by tracing the outlines of his perfect formed lips. When their eyes met, they both knew they won’t let go of each other ever again. They will hold onto their happiness forever.

Charles had been right, it was a new chapter in their lives. Just right here, right then at that moment, they did start this part together of their big journey. The way of life could really be crazy sometimes, but in the end everything got back to where it did belong.

**Author's Note:**

> Congratulations - you have really made it until the end! 👏🏼 I still can't believe this story has turned out to be that long.. 😅
> 
> So... Tell me, did you have expected something like that? I guess, probably not 😉
> 
> Let me first thank my wonderful and very talented friend Lisa, also known as hurtsprincess on Tumblr or lisafyra here on AO3 (go check out here beautiful Carlando fics btw) for helping me to find the perfect, imperfect Spanish words for Lando's confession of love. Yes, it was suppose to be incorrect the whole way, it just had to sound like Lando - if you know what I mean 😉 So thank you so much once again for your big help Lisa - without you I would have been lost in the world of Spanish words, because my vocubary can totally be compared to Lando's.. 😅
> 
> But now I'm curious about what you say to all this here? I would really like to know your emotional state through the whole story. If you have maybe thought for one second, that there won't be a happy ending for Carlando? 
> 
> I just want to thank you all for obviously reading my long story until the end. Everyone who made it - you are my heros! ❤️ I'm so happy and thankful for your support! 
> 
> Have a nice, first none-race Sunday of the off-season!


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